Dear Santa,

This post came two days late, however so, it's still filled with my utmost sincerity. Christmas's the only festival that I adore, but rather be an outsider and not celebrate. I love the atmosphere, the cold weather, the joy.. and not forgetting the excuse to shop guilt-free. All i wanted for Christmas was for things to be smooth-sailing and not continuously going downhill. Be it friends, relationships, family, health, money or studies.

Year 2008's coming to an end, can't explain how thrilled I am, and I thank god for it. 2008 is crap. 2008 is eventful. 2008 is the worst ever. Maybe someone mighty up there's trying to strengthen me. Giving me a full whole year of gloomy and tears, in exchange of bright years ahead. I had took it in my stride, tears run dry, and am left the with the last 4 days. Please don't go back on your words and give me my bright days. I can't remember the days, where I smiled genuinely and enjoyed myself without thinking something bad is gonna happen. True indeed, bad issues arise just minutes/hours/days after a good laugh.

Haven't had a horrid cry outburst uptil yesternight. and it's really ridiculous how i see myself in this situation a good many times. 10 more days, i prayed hard things'll turn around. if not i'm really got to let loose and just not bother about matters of the heart. i've gone to far ahead, in hopes of better days, the last thing i'll do is to jeopardise this whole thing and much worst, ruin it.

I'm uncertain of what to expect, to think, to make of everything. i had always stand high, overloaded with expectations and hope for myself and others. but once and again, things wouldn't go the way I've expected, ending me in tears, and anger to myself.

I think i had done enough. I think I've tried being nice, as a friend, as a girlfriend, as a best friend, as a daughter. And no, I'm not saying that everything i do is right for i know i throw quite a few princessy tantrums but seriously this time round, I think i really did no wrong. Quit putting all on me, please. What have I got myself into? What must whatever I do be wrong? What does all my good intentions ended up bad without having anyone bother to turn back? Goodness, what have I done wrong man!

I want Directions.
I want Better Days Ahead.
I want Smooth-Sailing.
I want Joy.

"All I want for Christmas is a... Brand New Start."
Merry Xmas.

Love,
Florella